Got a toothbrush?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
