I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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