he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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