I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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