These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
