I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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