Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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