Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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