the condom got lost in my hair
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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