my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
