Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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