There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
