Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
