4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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