wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
