my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's even glitter on my cock...
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