ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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