Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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