Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My vagina is officially offended.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
