She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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