Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
