ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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