I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
