just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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