I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
