So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
