meet me or not, i'm out of control
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Randomize
