just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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