Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
