I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
