hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
