you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
