How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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