I will die if light touches me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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