he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
pop tarts are not kleenex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
