I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
