Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
