He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
