if only i could text you this smell
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
