Soap is not a condiment
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
