Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
