I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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