Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
