I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
