u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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