Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize