Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
