hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
