I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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