Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
please don't ironically join a cult
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