i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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