he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize