I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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