Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
