so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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