Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
