alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
