How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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