After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
