Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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