just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize