You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
