Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
