you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
