mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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