Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
