the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
