I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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