I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
