my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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