I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
