your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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