Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
