Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
