Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
