last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
