I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
