i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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