my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
