I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
