may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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