Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
