Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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