And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
