she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
