Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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